As usual, while checking in, I was informed that I had been selected for a "Random Security Check. "Oh you're kidding, what a surprise" I chirped sarcastically. So off to the side I went and looked on while they rifled through my perfectly strategically packed suitcase.
As I entered the terminal, I'm now on to phase two...the body search. I learned long ago to remove any jewelry, shoes, belts etc. as not to set off the metal detector and to help speed up the process. As I proceeded through the metal detector, the alarm sounded. I was asked to step to the side and assume the position that looks something like a frozen jumping jack, and my full body search began.
Being that I had already removed all my jewelry, my shoes were gone, my belt was gone I couldn't understand what the detector could be detecting. My body search was conducted by a very nice boy, who couldn't have been a day over 18. He started at my ankles and worked his way up the entire length of my leg. I have to say it was really creeping me out the way he was flipping his hands back and forth from his palm side to his back side as he worked his way up my leg.
He then moved on to my waistband...slowly taking his time. Mind you, this was in an open area of the terminal and I'm now noticing quite a few people were beginning to look my way. He suddenly worked his hand flip routine right up to the base of my bra area and then switched over to his magic wand thing-a-ma-jig, back to his hands once more and by now I was starting to get pissed off! I told him if he was going to keep feeling me up and down he'd better start stuffing some dollar bills into my waist band! He asked me if I would be more comfortable with a woman conducting the search...Oh yes, that be great if I could get a woman over here to start feeling me up and down...thought you'd never ask!
I didn't want to re-start this process and the crowd of spectators was growing...so I asked him if he could hurry with feeling me up so I could get on with it. He was stuck on my chest area and kept waving his wand back and forth near the base of the front of my bra. Ah Ha! I looked at him and asked him how long he'd been on the job, he said "Actually, this is my first day" now I understand. I leaned into him and I told him that his magic wand was detecting the under wire in my bra and that I would gladly remove my bra if this would end this spectacle. He turned every shade of red, white and blue, and that was the end of my VERY thorough body search!